Why Does God Test Us?

Life keeps coming at us, ready or not.  Struggles don’t cease in this life, for those who are striving to live Godly in Christ Jesus.  On Sunday morning, Mother’s Day, I was looking forward to our whole family being in church together.  For various reasons, of late, that hasn’t been happening as often as is ideal.  Sunday before I got out of bed, (or even woke up, for that matter) hubby came in and informed me that my younger son was dizzy, nauseated and vomiting.  He was developing itchy spots Saturday morning when he got up, which we thought might have been a spider bite, or something.  By Saturday night he had a few areas of hives that had puffed up.  We gave him the standard Benadryl, and the itching subsided and he went to bed, but when he woke up he was worse off in the morning.  Fearing that the reaction was intensifying, I knew we needed to go ahead and get him to an intermediate care clinic.  We could not pinpoint anything in those prior hours or days that he had eaten that was different than the norm, hadn’t changed detergents, and the only thing I could remotely think of that might be the source of a reaction, was his antibiotic, even though he had been on it for a couple of weeks already.  Allergic reactions are strange that way.  It’s not that uncommon for a sudden allergy to develop to something you’ve been exposed to before with no trouble in the past.  Well, Garrett and I still made it to A.M. worship service, but both boys stayed home, as someone needed to remain with the patient.  We “did Mothers Day” later in the afternoon.

My neighbor and dear friend-of-the-family, Barbara, said to me Sunday night: “you must always feel like you’re waiting for the next shoe to drop”.  I laughed slightly and said, “I think there is a millipede up there dropping them” (or throwing them, like the Iraqi journalist at George W. Bush).  If you’ve been with this blog a while, you’ll “get” that.  I try real hard not to let it happen, but there are times I do get to wondering whether we in this family are being chastised, or whether it is harassment from that old snake Satan.  I was having one of those days yesterday, discouraged.  Feeling a little “picked on” and like I just couldn’t deal with one more thing. When I get into that frame of mind, I usually talk out loud to the Lord if there is no one home but me.  Sometimes I just have a good cry, then go back to sleep for a while, and “start over” when I wake up.  (Lest readers unfamiliar with my history get the wrong impression, I have chronic medical conditions, and hubby right now is going through chemo).   It’s one of those periods in life that you just grit your teeth and get through.

Then, at 4 a.m. this morning, Garrett woke me up again.

“Sandee, I think I’m in arrhythmia again”.

I was not “out from under” my 2nd dose of the med I take at night for my narcolepsy, so I couldn’t even go with him to the E.R.

This morning, he had his sixth electro-cardioversion. (We are thinking of investing in our own defibrillator, lol).  We are thankful that despite the “(Un)Affordable Care Act, and all the impending upheaval that will very soon be bringing (just found out this morning my sleep-equipment supplier has been dropped from coverage) that for the time being, at least we are getting the good care we need, and by God’s grace we are making minimum payments on the substantial portion insurance doesn’t pay (which seem to be satisfying the many docs, hospitals, surgeons, ad infinitum, who have administered some form of care to one or the other member of our family, the total expense of which,for the past 5 and a half months alone, has just exceeded $200,000).   Of course every time something like, oh, a compound fracture, tumor, or misbehaving heart, crops up, the responsibilities on our shoulders get to feeling that much heavier.  We know Psalm 55:22 and Matthew 11:29 by heart. There are just times in life that the onslaught feels a little relentless.

We understand that “in this world you will have trouble (tribulation). We realize that when good things happen it is not because we deserve it, and when bad things happen it is also not necessarily true that it is because “we deserve it”.  But we are to “count it all joy” because if we persevere in our faith, we will be given the “crown of life” someday.  I understand those things.  And still, it is hard.  Can you smile while sucking the juice of a lemon?  Sour, unpleasant, bitter circumstances that take away our smile, doesn’t necessarily equate with our being “robbed of our joy”.  I know the Webster’s definition of Joy is “happiness”, but I don’t think that is accurate.  That’s the world’s definition.  I think Joy is sometimes something that is way down deep, that may not be reflected by a smiling countenance at all times.  It’s a certain knowledge that the trial will pass, (eventually), and there is something good beyond it, somewhere.  And even if the trial is followed (much more quickly than we would like) with yet another trial, (and another, and another) the same still holds true.  The good may not come in this life.  There will always be “a next thing” that replaces the present trial in this life.  But one day, this life will be over.  We who are born again under the blood of Jesus, will be with our Lord and Savior Jesus, in the presence of God and loved ones, and the angels, and all the trials will be over.

I will be honest with you.  It is not a fun and joy-filled existence, being unable to maintain a job because of both recurrent, as well as chronic health conditions.  I don’t like it.  Every time I go to a Doctor’s appointment or a hospital, I am reminded of that loss of my nursing career (and income, and freedom to spend money).  But praise God, I got to be at home with my kids more than many Mom’s (of those who want to) are able to.  I hate watching my husband go through chemo, but I am extremely thankful for a Doctor Rhamen at an intermediate care clinic who had the presence of mind to draw a CBC and finding a Hemoglobin half of what it ought to have been, sent my husband to a hospital where a tumor was discovered, and removed.  Chemo reduces the chances of a recurrence, but doesn’t eradicate it altogether.  We are thankful for the improved odds.  I miss our friend Johnny and my Dad, who went Home within a few weeks of one another last Autumn.  I will miss Johnny’s widow, Barbara, when she is no longer my neighbor as she moves to live with her son. Johnny and Barbara’s house and their friendship, have been a haven of safety and understanding and love, “through it all”.  I won’t go into the “it all” (it’s there in my sidebar “Purple Morning Glories and Gold Lady Bugs” 12 chapters worth)..  That seems like an odd title, for a tale of struggle, but the emphasis is on the little things God does to help us get through each and every one of the trials that come, and the fact that He does get us through them.

I’ve stopped wondering what might happen next, and just referring to our seeming unending series of difficulties as “just the next thing”.  When they diagnosed the cancer, I told my pastor “Well, it’s just the next thing”.  In those waiting and “not-knowing” days and hours, there was plenty of time for it occur to me that like my Mom and Barbara, I might find myself soon a widow.  But God granted me the ability to stay in the moment, and just hang on in faith.  The only way these things can defeat us is if we lay down and give up.  You won’t hear the “rebuke your troubles away” line from me.  If you believe that, give me a call, I’d like to sell you some magic beans.  “We are more than conquerors in Christ”, doesn’t mean we will not have to pass through fires and murky, turbulent waters.  It just means that when we come out on the other side, we will be that much more “refined”, and “tempered”, “perfected” (made complete).  God is making us fit for the Kingdom.

Here is commentary from http://www.gotquestions.org including scriptures on the subject of testing in the Bible.

Question: “Why does God test us?”

Answer: When we ask why God tests us, or allows us to be tested, we are admitting that testing does indeed come from Him, as clearly taught in Scripture. Although we are forbidden to test Him (Deuteronomy 6:16; Matthew 4:7), when God tests His children, He does a valuable thing. David sought God’s testing, asking Him to examine his heart and mind and see that they were true to Him (Psalm 26:2; 139:23). In both the Old and New Testaments, the words translated “test” mean to prove by trial. Therefore, when God tests His children, the purpose is to prove that our faith is real. Not that God needs to prove it to Himself since He knows all things; rather, He is proving to us that our faith is real, that we are truly His children, and that no trial or test will overcome that faith.

In His Parable of the Sower, Jesus identifies the ones who fall away as those who receive the seed of God’s Word with joy, but as soon as a time of testing comes along, they fall away. James clearly explains that the testing of our faith develops perseverance, which leads to maturity in our walk with God. Perseverance in times of trial and testing will result in our spiritual maturity, our completeness (James 1:3-4). James goes on to say that testing is a blessing, because when the testing is over and we have “stood the test,” we will “receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him” (James 1:12). Testing and trying come from our heavenly Father who works all things together for good for those who love Him and who are called to be the children of God (Romans 8:28).

The testing or trials we undergo come in various ways. Becoming a Christian will often require us to move out of our comfort zones and into areas we have never encountered before. We’ve perhaps heard the saying ‘No pain – no gain’ when exercising our physical bodies. The same applies to exercising our faith in God. This is why James wrote ‘Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds’ (James 1:2). Testing our faith can be in small things like daily irritations; they may also be severe afflictions (Isaiah 48:10). Whatever the source of the testing from God, it is to our benefit to undergo the trials.

The account of Job is a perfect example of God allowing one of His saints to be tested by the devil. Job bore all his trials patiently and “did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing” (Job 1:22). However, the account of Job’s testing is proof that Satan’s ability to tempt us is limited by God’s sovereign control. No demon can test or afflict us with beyond what God has ordained for His perfect purpose and our benefit.

There are many examples that can be used to illustrate the positive results from our being tested. The Psalmist likens our testing to that of being refined like silver (Psalm 66:10). Elsewhere in Scripture we can read of our trials as that of gold being refined in order to remove all its impurities (1 Peter 1:7). By the testing of our faith, God causes us to grow and mature into strong disciples who truly live by faith in Him, not by what we see (2 Corinthians 5:7).

When testing and trials come our way, we should receive them with joy, because we know that it is God who allows them to strengthen our faith. When we are knocked about in the storms of life, like the tree that digs its roots ever deeper for a greater grip, we must dig our roots deeper into God’s Word so we can withstand whatever comes against us.

Most comforting of all, we know that God will never allow us to be tested beyond what we are able to handle and in all things will provide a way out of the test (1 Corinthians 10:13). This does not mean He will remove the trial from us. Why would He when He says trials are for our benefit? Rather, the “way out” is the way through. the trial, with Him ever faithful by our side, until we come out on the other side of it by His grace and power, stronger and more mature Christians.

Read more: http://www.gotquestions.org/why-does-God-test-us.html#ixzz2THdk1DgH

Winnowed and Sifted

On the wings of the morning He quietly comes
Lighting nearby, patiently waiting

Dis-ordered thoughts begin to wander
Soon upon waking, toward tasks ahead

Spirit is tethered, grounded by gravity.
For life itself is very grave

Every struggle becomes a link
In the chain, growing heavy

And still He waits.   I know He is near
And then He speaks: “Why do you carry these?”

So as not to leave them littered along the way

How long have you carried them?

My, I couldn’t say.  Some of them are so old I feel they’ve always been there.

What good are they?

Good? What do you mean?

Why did you not lay them down?

I thought I was meant to keep them.

But why would you think that?

Well, they bear my name

Are you certain?

Last I checked!

Checked lately?

Well, no, but I count them pretty often

What on Earth for?

A habit by now, I suppose. Keeps me humble.

Humble?

You know!  Grounded!

Oh, I get it, restrained, repressed?

Yeah, something like that, I guess.  I mean, it feels like that sometimes.

Why would you want that?

I don’t want to be.  I just have been for just about as far back  as I can remember.

As far back as you can remember, or as far back as you dare to remember?

What’s the difference?

The difference is, I created you for more than this. You knew that once upon a time!

Yes, I know.  “Someday” I’ll be free from this sin nature and…

No, even now! Cast thy burden upon Me, and I shall sustain you.

Yeah.  I read that.

And?

I don”t deserve for You to carry my load

That’s true!

<shrugs, eyes downcast>

Look at Me! Do you see anyone here who condemns you?

I condemn me!

Ah!
I see.
Do you know what the word “deem” means?

To reckon something as being so?

That is pretty close, but more succinctly, it means “to judge”.
Do you know what redeemed means?

I guess that would mean “to judge again”?

You were deemed guilty but once you repented and asked for salvation, you were re-deemed to be “not guilty”.  Do you know that being “not guilty” is not the equivalent of being innocent?  “Not guilty” merely means that no punishment will be accounted to you for the crime.  As I said to Job, “I will demand of thee, and declare thou unto me.  Wilt thou also dis-annul my judgment? wilt thou condemn me, that thou mayest be righteous?” I have declared you “not guilty”, yet you persist in self-condemnation. Who is right, Me or you?
You are, Lord

Where is your Bible?

Right here.

Open it to John 8:36 and read to Me what it says.

If the Son, therefore, shall make you free, then ye shall be free indeed. I know, Lord, but…

I don’t see a but in that verse.

Ok.  What about everything else?

What else?

Our life seems like an endless series of “unfortunate events”, trials, setbacks, obstacles, whatever you want to call them!  It feels so relentless.  What are we doing wrong?

These “other things” you speak of, the trials, who has told you that they come due to something you are doing wrong? These things are so, that My works might be displayed in you. (John 9:3)  In my winnowing I separate wheat from chaff, using the wind of adversity to blow off the chaff, which is just an impurity, and retaining in you that which is good. On the other hand, Satan desires to sift you! (Luke 22:31)  Sifting is agitating in a way that shakes out all that is good, so that the only thing that remains is the bad.  He doesn’t touch your life without my permission.  What he means for evil, I use for your good.

I have prayed for you.  Right now, chaff fills the air, the shaking and the tossing feel turbulent, but trust Me.  I will complete the good work which I have begun in you.

Jesus prays for His own

*

Sermon: Pastor John Reynolds, Temple Baptist Church (30 min)

Hold Fast The Confidence Firm to the End

Hebrews Chapter 3

⁶ But Christ as a son over his own house; whose house are we, if we hold fast the confidence and the rejoicing of the hope firm unto the end.

This verse states that those who hold fast the confidence and the rejoicing of the hope firm to the end are of the household of Christ.  It does not say that we accomplish this of our own accord.  Only that those who are the true Bride will remain steadfast to the end.

⁷ Wherefore as the Holy Ghost saith, To day if ye will hear his voice,

⁸ Harden not your hearts, as in the provocation, in the day of temptation in the wilderness:

There is a clear warning not to harden our hearts. Could this be a clue that if we find our hearts being hardened in the midst of trials and testing times, that perhaps we should be concerned about the authenticity of our saving faith?  Might this be an indication that some examination is in order, before the Lord, in honesty and humility?

⁹ When your fathers tempted me, proved me, and saw my works forty years.

¹⁰ Wherefore I was grieved with that generation, and said, They do alway err in (their) heart; and they have not known my ways.

Keep in mind the Bible tells us “my people are destroyed for lack of knowledge”, and conversely it also says “the people which do know their God shall be strong and do exploits”. 

Do you find it to be a pattern in your walk with the Lord, that when things start to pile on, you revert to doubt and anxiety? 

Has anyone close to you, ever presumed or jumped to some conclusion about the way you might receive a particular action on their part, causing you to feel hurt and offended that they think so little of you, or don’t know you better than they apparently do? 

It seems to me this is what is happening in this passage.  In the “wilderness wanderings” God showed Himself strong on behalf of the children of Israel time and time again.  When God has done that in our lives, and we persist year after year, in reverting back to insecurities and doubts at the first sign of trouble, that is an affront to God’s grace toward us. 

¹¹ So I sware in my wrath, They shall not enter into my rest.)

¹² Take heed, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief, in departing from the living God.

A heart of unbelief may well be an indication that you do not have that kind of faith/belief which is “counted unto you as righteousness”. 

I don’t think that there is “big faith” and “little faith” or “strong faith” and “weak faith”.  There is just faith.  We either believe what God says about Himself or we do not.  Presence of doubt does not equate to absence of faith.  The two are not mutually exclusive.  But it is what you do with the doubt.  The doubt should be cast down, because if it does not line up with God’s truth as put forth in scripture, then it is merely “vain imaginations”.  Which the scripture tells us in 2 Corinthians 10:5 how to handle those: Casting down arguments, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

¹³ But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.

¹⁴ For we are made partakers of Christ, if we hold the beginning of our confidence stedfast unto the end;

¹⁵ While it is said, To day if ye will hear his voice, harden not your hearts, as in the provocation.

¹⁶ For some, when they had heard, did provoke: howbeit not all that came out of Egypt by Moses. (Did you catch that? Not all of the children of Israel left Egypt that day.  Some stayed because they had no faith to believe the promises). In order to strive toward something, we have to know what God’s calling and purpose is for His called-out bride.  Being made free from the law, having no righteousness of our own, we have a choice in whether or not to remain subject to the flesh, or to “reach” toward that which He will some day make perfect and finished within us. We make that choice repeatedly every day, and in every circumstance that arises.

Philippians 3
 ¹² Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.

¹³ Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

¹⁴ I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

¹⁷ But with whom was he grieved forty years? was it not with them that had sinned, whose carcases fell in the wilderness?

¹⁸ And to whom sware he that they should not enter into his rest, but to them that believed not?

¹⁹ So we see that they could not enter in because of unbelief.

I Corinthians 2:9 But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.

That is an amazing thought! 

In the same respect that “science” tells us we only use a miniscule portion of what the human brain is theoretically capable of, I think we Christians too often operate in this Earthly sphere without tapping into resources available to us through the Holy Spirit.

I grew up in a Presbyterian church.  I have attended, at various times lots of different denominations, whether once, or for a period of time, and I think that at this point in the history of “the church” we have drifted far from God’s intent.  Many Protestant and Baptist denominations have thrown out the Holy Spirit “baby” with the conservative “bathwater”.  In other words, in fear of veering too far into things supernatural, they avoid the whole kit and caboodle.   On the other hand, many Pentecostal and Assemblies of God churches have lost all discernment and are entertaining “another spirit” with “another gospel” in their midst.   How can the church be fixed?

Only one Christian at a time! 

You are the church and I am the church.  Am I studying the Word, with the Holy Spirit as my teacher?  Do you and I test every spirit?  Do we even have enough discernment to recognize when any spirit, (Holy or otherwise) is operating in our midst?  Do we squelch the very spirit which the Bible tells us we are dependent upon in order to be used of God?  Professing Christians often get up in arms when someone among them seeks “more” in their relationship with the Lord.  But isn’t that what we are meant to do?  What draws us to Christ to begin with, if not the Spirit-enabled realization that we are made for “more than this”.  This life on Earth is not our destiny.  As joint-heirs with Jesus, we are just passing through here on the way to our real destination.  Being content to settle for this one leg of the journey is a little like driving to the airport to start your vaction, but never getting on the plane.  Salvation is just the beginning.  It is merely “conception” while our time on Earth is “gestation” and our future in the Millennium, and the ensuing ages of ages to come, will be all about discovering what God truly made us for.  

Wow.  Selah!  Think of that.

The hard things

Do you have that one person in your life that is absolutely miserable, and seems to be compulsively driven to see to it that everyone else around them share that misery?  That is a person who in their heart is rebellious and prideful.  Their conscience accuses them, and they curse their conscience, and justify and defend their attitudes and actions even when they know what the truth really is and that they just don’t like that truth.  Like atheists.  If they really were convinced in their heart that there is no God, they wouldn’t hate the Bible so much.  They know the Bible is true and honest, they just don’t like what it says about them.

Satan is that way.  Satan knows what he threw away but he is so invested in the alternate reality he wishes for, that he can’t afford to ever turn back now.  The best he can hope to do is to make as many as possible as miserable as he is.  The sickening truth that it won’t make his situation one iota better, is irrelevant to his inverted reasoning.

If you have ever been entangled in the web of a manipulator, and abuser, and managed to break free, then you know what I mean when I say that person can get into your head and really mess with your perspective.  We all have vulnerabilities, tender  “needy” places in our spirit and heart, and the manipulators of this world (and other realms) have an uncanny ability to detect those vulnerabilities and exploit them to their own benefit and your detriment.  Do you know that the only way for you to be extricated from the tangled sticky web of manipulation is by way of TRUTH?

That can be very hard to face once the lying manipulator has lured you deep into the maze, spun his sticky threads all around you, bound you up.  You feel like a fool for having believed him, for having fallen for his ways, and the next thing you know, your own pride is working against you as well.  That is the treacherous and insidious nature of sin.  I think one of the hardest aspects of sin and salvation is sorting out how we have this nature we were born with, which leads us to sin, and yet, how we are “guilty” of something that comes “built-in”.  How is that to be reconciled?  Here is how: Before the first man, Adam, brought about the fallen state of man by sin, God had already written His law upon man’s heart.  When we sin, we sin knowingly.  Con-science means “with knowledge”.  So even though it is our nature to sin, we actually still make a “conscious” choice before doing that sin.

Life can be full of hard things and hard choices.  The truth is, we make a lot more choices than we even realize.  Some can seem so inconsequential.  Sometimes we make an unconscious choice merely by failing to make a conscious one.  Who chooses to be a single parent, for instance?  But that circumstance may have been avoided at several intervals along the way.  Like a tiny creek that feeds into a stream, that flows into the river and eventually the ocean, there is always a specific route we did take, and several, in fact innumerable alternate routes we could have taken.

I started out in life with a deeply engrained sense of powerlessness from as far back as I can remember.  A distinct “can’t do” conviction.    It would be easy, here to veer off on a rabbit trail with analysis of my upbringing and my parent’s upbringing.  As a matter of fact this powerlessness did contribute to my vulnerability to a predatory manipulator and some painful years in my early adult life, which in turn did spur that self-analysis.  Self-examination is a good thing only if it leads to self-awareness and if one is willing to admit their own short-comings with willingness to be accountable.  However, endless introspection only amounts to navel-gazing.  If you think “the answer lies within yourself” and that in fact, God lies within self, well then I’d say the master manipulator Satan has accomplished what he set out to do in your case, and can safely move on to other targets.  Your doom is sealed.

The problem with folks today is that they want to trace the roots of their faults back to something external, and then stop there.  “Aha, now we know why I am like I am”.  Puzzle solved!  Well, that’s sort of like going to the doctor to figure out what is wrong, finding that it is a genetic defect that makes you more prone to diabetes, and going on your merry way being relieved to know that “at least it wasn’t my fault”.   NO, NO, NO, that is not the aim.  The aim is to eradicate or at least counter-act the problem.

If you have anger issues because your parents were both abusive, just knowing that is not enough.  Now you have an anger problem.  So what are YOU going to do about it? You are not accountable for them, but you are accountable for you and the “monkey on your back” they passed on to you.  Will you inflict it, in turn, onto others?

I tend to have a powerlessness problem.  Thus I have a responsibility to be aware of this weakness/flaw/vulnerability in myself and consciously work to counter-act it.

Satan knows this about me.  And so at many times in the past he has used this to keep me bound up by circumstances that it was actually within my power to change.  One of his favorite versions of this trap is in the issue of forgiveness.  He likes to convince us that forgiveness on our part requires that there first be some concession on the part of the perpetrator.    Since that is often not forthcoming, and we can’t extract that from the other person, we stay bound up with bitterness which destroys us from the inside-out, stuck under the crush of whatever it was they did to us into perpetuity.

One of my favorite sayings is “when all else fails, change your perspective”. In other words, if you don’t like something, and you truly cannot change it, then you still have the power to change how you choose to see it.

There is not a whole lot I can think of that feels more powerless than finding out my husband has cancer.  (Except maybe finding out he has cancer in December of 2012 when all the uncertainties of insurance coverage under Obama-Care are set to kick in, and when, in fact, I aslo have no guarantee that the very expensive medication I require for treatment of my narcolepsy will continue to be available to me either).  Lots I could worry about right there in that one paragraph alone!

But if there is one thing that I have learned through all of my struggles in life, it is this: there truly are some things we do not have the power to change in our life and we are free to NOT worry about those things that are out of our hands.   It goes back to the old Serenity Prayer by  Reinhold Niebuhr, which I have loved since I was a young girl.  (Yes, I was kind of a deep thinker even back then).

God, grant me grace to accept the things

I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can

and the Wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

So how are we to deal with the hard things?

I know depression.  I lived it for many years.  Being depressed is like lying oxygen-starved on the bottom of a deep pool of water, looking up at those laughing and carefree people splashing and enjoying themselves, and free to climb out and go on with their lives anytime they want to, while you are trapped below, unable to breathe or move, missing in action and they don’t even know it.

I moved through life, did what was expected of me, smiled on cue, but my insides were shards and splinters.

I married the man who date-raped me. Because of that sense of powerlessness.  Because I was brought up to understand that once you lost your virginity and were “damaged goods”, no decent man will ever want you and you have no right to someone pure.  That perspective itself was not an abuse, nor was it directly spoken to me in so many words.  It was just rules devoid of grace.  Rules given without rationale.  A faulty set of guidelines in that it was incomplete.  No one directly spoke to me, taught me in these matters.

When he did what he did, my learned powerlessness did not allow for me to fight or flee.  Instead I froze, and experienced an inner splitting.  I vacated  my own body and pulled my entire “self” inside my head, and shut the door, turned out the lights, pulled the shades.  I didn’t come out again for a good 10 years.  I created the persona who was aloof, daring, rebellious, unfazed.  He had “handled me” and I had “complied”.  He did what all successful manipulators do.  He had already isolated me from all the people in my life who truly cared about me.  And as I have said before, I don’t even think all of that was calculated on his part.  I think he was just doing what a young man with no moral compass does by his sinful nature.

Ten years I was sort of a “dead girl walking”.  It is amazing what you can accomplish on autopilot, though.  Finally got the courage and fortitude to leave.  Finished nursing school.  I guess when you feel like you’ve already lost everything, you are more apt to take a chance and try things.  I mean, I had already failed at life in general.  Or so I felt.  Yes, I blamed myself.  I’d been an idiot to fall for his flattery, and to compromise my own standards due to such a deep-seated need to feel “worthy” of someone’s “love” and attention.  Of course I look back now and know that I was so young.  I was so naiave and unaware of the ways of the world, snares of the flesh, and wiles of the devil.  When you choose to no longer feel the shame and horror and sadness, unfortunately you have also turned off the faucet to joy and happiness.  I can remember sitting in Anatomy and Physiology lab, dissecting the fetal pigs in college, everyone nervous and squeamish and trying not to show it, and the one guy who was “hands-on” was joking around trying to ease everyone’s discomfort.  I can remember feeling my face morph into the unfamiliar shape of smiling and hearing my own laughter, (forgetting my life-sentence for an instant) and then another “voice” reared up accusing, “who do you think YOU are, laughing like regular people, do you forget your shame?”

Folks, that is the accuser of men’s souls.  Satan himself.  Yes I was a believer back then, from the age of 9.  In many ways I think that made it harder.  I felt like “where can you go when Jesus already died for your sins, and then you go and ruin your life?”  See, I had no understanding of sexuality, it’s purpose, its potency, and it’s relationship to my very soul.  I did not understand my own sin nature and that it lives on until the day we leave this body behind.  I had an overblown sense, no actually, a mistaken belief, that once Jesus saved me, it was up to ME to keep that which I had committed unto Him.  It took a lot of years for me to figure out what I was responsible for and what I wasn’t in what took place.  I blamed myself entirely, which often happens in the case of sexual assault.

I guess that history is why I have never sheltered my kids much, and why I talk to them a LOT.  I earned my street-smarts the hard way.  I know the pitfalls of illusion.  I have a strict policy of reality and truth.  I guess that is one reason people come here to this blog.  “Deep and wide and willing to go there, says my tagline”.  No topic really off-limits.  People are starving to death for REAL.

Like some of my Aspergian acquaintances I sometimes struggle with reading people.  When I was young I was too trusting.  Now that I have lived through what I have lived through, I am more cynical and suspicious and guarded with people.  That sounds contradictory, considering the nature of what I am sharing in this post, but note that I do so from behind the safe layers and shield of the written word and an internet server.  Not that I can’t or don’t share these things with anyone in person, but only as the Lord leads, to those who have similar wounds and need to hear.  Because this is understanding that came at a high personal cost.  And there have been some who have trampled carelessly upon my offering when shared, like pearls cast before swine.

I have always had a preference for the imperfect.  I am not drawn to neat patterns, polished surfaces, or symmetry.  I like the idiosyncrasies of slightly eccentric folks, random and quirky compositions, stream-of-consciousness narratives, arguments that clear the air, followed by forgiveness, old houses with character and history, direct and candid speech, people who tell it like it is.

I would rather live a life full of the hard stuff that takes me into the deep murky waters, than live a superficial life dog-paddling the surface the whole way through.

It is the hard stuff that God uses to refine our faith and realize our need for a Savior.   And so it is not with blind faith that I face this new uncertainty of my husband’s cancer.  It is with faith forged in the fire, experience gained in the trenches, with battle scars to show for it.  I don’t consider myself wise or fearless or strong.  I merely made a decision long ago that I refuse to fake it any longer.  I am weak, but HE is strong.  Life serves up much to fear, but God says “fear not, for I am with thee” and courage is not an absence of fear, just a determination to forge on despite it.  As far as wisdom, well, I’ve learned a thing or two, but the catch is, the more you learn, the more you realize how much more you have to learn.  All totaled, that amounts to my being much less resistant to the hard things, knowing ultimately God uses it for our edification and even our fortification.  None of us knows what tomorrow holds.

I know some people whose entire lives have been one horror after another.  So much in life can seem senseless.  But we are truly only seeing God’s tapestry from the underside, all a tangle of threads that crisscross and form no coherent image or pattern.  Some day he’ll show us the other side.

I like this story told by a Sunday School teacher of mine several years ago.  A man was given a backpack by God, and instructed to take a journey, following an old dried up riverbed.  Every once in a while he would be instructed by the Lord to pick up a rock and put it into his sack.  Sometimes he had to stop and rest.  The sack grew heavier even while he grew wearier, but the Lord prompted him onward, and continued to require that he pick up stones here and there and add them to his burden. It all seemed so futile. He often wondered why.  There was nothing about the stones that would indicate they were of any value, and they certainly weren’t much to look at, just tumbled river rocks.

As the man goes along he encounters others on this ascent up the dry riverbed, carrying their own sacks laden with stones.  When they finally reach the end of the journey and find themselves in heaven, God instructs them to empty their sacks.  Out tumble gorgeous stones of every size, color, and radiance.  Jesus goes to each person, gathers his or her individual stones, fashions them into a crown and places that crown on their head.

We seldom take God at His Word.   Not really.  He has promised us that He works everything together for good.  He has told us that we may plan our path but it is really He who directs our steps.  We screw up, sure, pretty badly sometimes, but only to the extent He allows it, and with plan already in place for how He will turn it around and redeem it for our good and His glory.

My friend, do not fear the hard things.  Every tool is designed for a very specific purpose.  Some tools are “multi-functional” and some tools are extremely specialized.  If you feel you have passed through the fire more times than the average person does, perhaps He is honing your edge with a very delicate and crucial purpose in mind.  Tools are not conscious of their purpose.  God is a sculpter, an artist, a physician, a carpenter, an engineer.  He has need of a vast array of tools.

I have finally let go of my need to understand and to just yield myself to His trustworthy hand.  I have to tell you, I have never felt more free.  Sometimes we make “understanding” into an idol.  He says “trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.  Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you, he will not suffer the righteous to be moved.  He who keeps you will not slumber nor sleep!  By strength shall no man prevail.  Commit your way unto the Lord, trust also in Him and He shall bring it to pass.

I don’t need to know.  God is on it!  He has walked the road before us and prepared the way with all the provision we will need.  And some day we will be outside of time, dwelling in eternity, this former life a mere vapor dissolving away into oblivion like a puff of smoke, all pain and tears with it.  That, my friend, is not denial.  It is not that insulting name it-claim-it gospel.   It is merely accepting the grief that comes with human life for what it is, and looking beyond it to the hope found only in Jesus.

Let the Savior speak to your hurting heart

Looking forward to 2013 Guest Post Jean-Louis

Looking forward to 2013

(No, I didn´t take that from Obama. I wrote the
original way before he was elected. We Christians do not need to imitate the
world)

Posted by Jean-Louis -

http://thelightseed.blogspot.com

“See. I will send you the prophet Elijah
before that great and dreadful day comes. He will turn the hearts of the fathers
to their children and the heart of the children to their fathers: or else I will
come and strike the land with a curse.” Malachi 4:5.

The ministry
of reconciliation

“Therefore if anyone be in Christ, he is a new
creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who
reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of
reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not
counting men’s sins against them. As ambassadors committed with the ministry of
reconciliation, as though God were making an appeal through us, we implore you
on Christ‘s behalf:
Be reconciled to God.”
2 Corinthians
5:17-20.

Distance and separation

Definition of “Far
away” in The Fuegian language of
Tierra del Fuego. A seven syllable word
which means:

“They stare at each other, each waiting for the other to
do what each wants but is not able to.”

One can appreciate the rich
and insightful imagery of primitive language, but the question remains: Is it a
matter of inability or unwillingness?

When the Lord Jesus was approaching
the hour of His death, He himself prayed giving us a model prayer: “Father
not my will, but yours be done”

What keeps us separated? Basically it
is our pride and unwillingness to humble ourselves. We prefer to remain in a
prison of our own making, when the key has been given to us that could release
us from being captive to our own will and stubbornness.

Every argument
won in a verbal conflict at the detriment of forgiveness and reconciliation ends
up being one more brick we use in building a wall of separation protecting us
from the very ones that Christ has sent our way to help them in their struggle
to find forgiveness and freedom from spiritual captivity.

Every argument
won ends up being one more shovel full in digging deeper the ditch of distance
between persons whose ministry is to be a bridge builder, not a wall builder or
a ditch digger.

The remedy

Do we have the key? Only God can
give us the key to freedom.

Isaiah declares: “He will be the sure
foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge;

The fear of the Lord is the KEY to this treasure.” Isaiah
33:6.

Do we need a sure foundation in our present time of confusion,
perplexity, and contemplating our navel and worshiping the earth to find the
solution with the greatest brains as guides in our cultures of death?

The Lord Jesus to John the apostle in Revelation chapter 3:7: “These
are the words of him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David. What he
opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open.”

There is a
time and a season for everything under the sun, but Jesus is sending his
servants to proclaim that “NOW is the day of salvation and that there is no
other name under heaven but the name of Jesus by which man can be saved”

The only way men can experience real peace and reconciliation with
others is to first be reconciled with God

Oh, that we would heed the
command of our Lord Jesus to build bridges and tear down brick by brick the
strongholds in our hearts that we have erected patiently, day after day, month
after month until it becomes the very fabric that makes up the callous covering
of protection keeping other people from being welcome in our hearts.

So
looking forward to this New Year’s eve, this is my hope and wish for the New
Year for the readers of this blog:

Be reconciled first with God through
recognizing and accepting the sacrifice of the Lord Jesus for you, He brought
peace to us who were enemies of God; receive the pardon and salvation that are
already paid for by His blood shed for you on the cross and the free gift of
eternal life available to all who humbly turn to His light and life from their
slavery to sin.

If you already know the Lord Jesus, His peace to you and
may His grace and love abide and rule in your heart as you seek to do His will,
to be fruitful and keep looking for His soon return.

Heavenly Father, by
your grace and the power of your love through your Holy Spirit, free the
prisoners in our families, our churches. You alone can penetrate through and
behind those brick walls and fill those ditches of separation. You alone can
heal bitter, broken hearts and restore us to our call to love you and serve you
as we obey your command to love each other sincerely from the heart and serve
our brothers in humility and submission to your will and purpose in our lives.

His Name is a strong tower and we are victorious by the blood of the
Lamb and the word of our testimony that Jesus alone is Lord of Lord and King of
Kings and worthy of our praise. Blessed be His holy Name. Amen.

Jean-Louis
12/3/2012 Edited and from previous posting
12/2009.

Read more by this author: http://thelightseed.blogspot.com

Testimony of Calling, Part II

(Read Part I HERE)

Though we tried to be agents of reconciliation this go-round back at Church #1, (knowing firsthand the painful fallout that can happen in major disagreements), the pastor and his family ended up being cruelly forced out by the very same group of elders who had officially vetted and “called” him a year earlier.

Let me tell you, it was enough to cause us to contemplate forsaking the assembling-together!  We were thrice-stung, heartbroken, and talk about disillusioned!  But God is very economical.  Ever-molding and teaching us, there was a mosaic of wisdom that He was piecing together for us with all those shards.  The next chapter in this personal crash course, would be revolutionary  for me in my personal walk with the Llord!  Because I had walked away from the Lord in my 20′s, this did not become an issue of doubting faith, God,  Bible, any of that, for me.  I’d already learned life ”my way” didn’t work.   (but I was pretty bewildered about the church).  It did cause some pause and reflection for my husband in His walk, but in a needful way.  It definitely caused us both to realize that “eyes on the people” and not on God Himself, is the WRONG way to approach church.  Well, if you aren’t part of the solution, you are probably part of the problem, right?  Lots of examination was in order.

I have been blessed to know the Lord from a young age.  My husband was saved in his teens, myself at age 9.  I had the advantage of plenty of hours in the Word by virtue of my always having been a book-nut with an enormous appetite for words, reading, and studying,  had a great youth group with several Godly youth leaders, good Sunday School teachers,  and a year in Christian school.  More recently,  I’ve had plenty of time for reading and studying, due to physical limitations taking me out of the workforce, and our kids getting into the independent teen years.

When we found ourselves “out in the cold with no church home, scratching our heads and shouting, “True Church, WHERE ARE YOU?”, I was expressing my frustrations to my Dad, bemoaning the fact that sometime between when I left the church in my 20′s and came back, the church seemed to have changed quite a bit, and Most of the “leaders” now seemed to know very little about scripture, or were at the very least, confused.  My Dad, who is not known for his profundity, said to me, “Honey, you ARE the church”.  Well, my Dad is a simple man.  And in his retirement, he spends a lot of time reading his Bible and the wisdom of what he said, embedded deep in my gut and in my spirit.  He also said, if you feel like there aren’t knowledgeable teachers, maybe you’re supposed to be teaching.  I am not a “speaker” but I recognized that, yes, I could be an instrument to help others understand and grow, by way of my writing.

Well, not having a church at all was not an option, of course, and we next took a short foray into the “Home-church” movement. According to those we knew who were home-churchers, it is meant to be a return to the roots of the church at her inception, meeting in the homes of believers, no one person raised above the others  on a platform doing all the speaking, all gifts exercised and  honored, everyone studying, coming to church ready with something to share that God had shown them, and all of that followed by breaking bread together in a noon meal.  Still, there were some very mature believers who emerged naturally in an unofficial leadership.  It was a good experience,  all in all we enjoyed it and it was a large part of my personal springboard into getting back to roots, and  better understanding of the guidance of the Holy Spirit, but we were not led to join this body.   Our kids had never had what we had growing up, which was a church that was “home”, growing up with the kids of other church families who were like an extended family of cousins and uncles and aunts, and consistent foundations in the Word of God.  That really saddened me.

We were still a little ignorant (dense?) of the fact we as parents could and should have been instilling those foundations to a much greater degree in the home.  We did read Bible stories to them as kids, we did have family devotions, though we often faltered and re-started the habit.  It has become consistent now, in their teens, though we are still praying for it to become a habit they “own” and follow for themselves without our prompting.  We see some initiative in the older one on that score, so hopefully it’s taken root.   There should have been verse memorization, and more exposure to the Bible at every turn.  Of course we assumed that as our kids attended VBS and Sunday School they were getting a good bit of that like we did as kids.  It took a long time to fully grasp just how much “church” has changed since we grew up.

Practically extinct, are the old hymns that become so familiar by sheer repetition, that you didn’t even need the hymnbook to sing them, and so chock-full of scripture verse and Bible principle that you were learning, absorbing and internalizing the Word without even realizing it.

At that point in our life, we had finally gotten some competent Medical help and figured out correct diagnosis of some of my health issues, and that was stabilizing some.  As far as things spiritual, I was pretty much finished being hurt, but I was pretty upset about  the mess the church was in.  The feeling was directed less at people, and more at the proper culprit, satan himself.  As a hospice nurse, and by God-given personality, I am pretty sensitive, and have a “radar” for the hurting.  But between illness, losing my ability to remain in my field of work that I’d studied for and was good at, and other hurts, years of my own emotional and spiritual pain had piled up.   It was very tempting to shut down and drop out of life.   It seemed to me, like few people remained in the world who cared about the important things like personal relationship, loyalty, sincerity, truth, accuracy, sanctity of life, honesty, integrity.  People just didn’t seem to care about anything other than a good time, and self. (The Bible tells us it will be this way at the end times). To me,  “not caring” was not an option.  I felt pretty empty and wrung dry.  I didn’t know where I was going to find the energy, but I remember the day that I lay keening in grief and said to God, and then to my husband as well:   ”I don’t care if I’m the last person in this world who cares.  I am going to continue to CARE, if it takes my last ounce of strength”.

For the most part, people decide to stop caring.  We are born with tender hearts and compassion, although in cases of extreme abuse and neglect, this can be conditioned out of a person.  This world is a painful place.  But in too many cases people choose to simply care most about themselves, or only about themselves.

The next part of the story is yet still a little fresh and harder to write about.  In every case, as wounds healed into scars, as all non-lethal wounds eventually do, God was steadily making object lessons out of our experiences, and teaching us things about sinful human nature, about the nature of forgiveness, and about Himself.  The next section of this life-course  would  expose us to some of the plagues destroying  the modern church.  It would also include a very supernatural element, and some intense spiritual warfare.  I look back now and know that period  was nothing less than a minefield that God deliberately waked me through.  I promise I will actually get back to what all of this has to do with Ezekiel, as well.

Tune in tomorrow for the continuation!

Can God Bless America Again?

Last year for Independence Day our church choir sang a patriotic cantata titled “This Is My America” (By: Steve and Jennifer Hall, Bibletruthmusic.com).  Several other churches across the nation sang the same cantata on that day.  Several choirs from various neighboring states also gathered together to do a combined performance, along with a weekend of old-fashioned tent-revival type preaching.  The focus was on national repentance before God, and praying for our troubled and ailing nation.

I am not ashamed to say I love America and know how honored and blessed I am to have been born here.  I have made it a point to be an informed citizen and voter, one who sends e-mails and makes calls to state and US congressional leaders, and speaks out about the wrongs.  But while learning this cantata and practicing it for several weeks, I was troubled in my spirit about it.  One reason for that is because I have loved the USA so much, my passion and fervor for her was every bit as encompassing as my passion for the Lord.  I had previously wrestled under the conviction of the Holy Spirit, that we Americans tend to have our Christianity so deeply intertwined with our Patriotism that we’ve nearly merged the two and begun to forget where one ends and the other begins.  I had to step back and go before the Lord in prayer to help me extricate one from the other and put them in their proper order of priority and place.  There is a danger of our righteous indignation over what’s happening to this nation, becoming an idol.  There is something very wrong as Christians, if we have zeal for saving a nation, but not for saving the lost.  Jesus didn’t die to save America.

All our blessings have been privileges.  I was having trouble with this demanding of our “rights”.  The Constitution and Bill of Rights as our forefathers wrote them, have proven to be the best framework upon which any nation has ever been founded, ever.  It worked.  It was a smashing success as long as we followed it.  The basis was that we had been endowed by our Creator with certain inalienable rights.  All men.  Everywhere.  But these were not mans’ ideas.  The principles this nation was built upon were from God Himself.

That leads me to the other reason I was troubled in doing this Cantata.  Because the underlying purpose in this undertaking, by the pastors who initiated it (it was several years in the planning), was to seek God’s blessing for America again.  I have mourned, prayed, and fasted personally in repentance for America, and still I am so grieved at our sinfulness, that I was having a really hard time “looking God in the eye” with a straight face and having the unmitigated gall to ask Him to bless us, after all the blessings we have already so heedlessly squandered.

Do I believe America is experiencing judgment right now?  Not necessarily.  But I do know from my own sinful past, that when we choose to go our way and follow our sinful inclinations, God will let us do so, but we forfeit His protecting hand over us for as long as we persist in that pursuit.

It’s a fine mess we find ourselves in.

Can we in good conscience, ask for His blessing at this point?  I was, a year ago, inclined suppose that depends on the tenderness of your individual conscience.  But I have come to realize that is not, at all, the determining factor.  I think my study of the Old Testament over these past few months has something to do with that.  I “watched” anew, as Israel went astray over and over, and read of God’s grace and mercy, so undeserved and unmerited.  When Jesus said forgive seventy times seven, God had already set that example for us.  Is repentance a key ingredient?  Yes.  Because of another principle established in the Bible, and that is, “Don’t throw your pearls before swine”.  The value of precious jewels is lost on a pig!

And I fear that the value of what we had and are throwing away with both hands, is lost on a lot of Americans.

The unfathomable wonderful news is this:  God’s mercy and compassion and longsuffering are greater than our capacity to take them for granted.

I picked up this months “Sword of the Lord” newspaper at church last night and read the article which was the inspiration for this post.  Dr. Shelton Smith had somewhat to say on the question, in his article entitled “Can God Bless Our Country Once Again?”  His simple, believing answer was an incredulous and unequivocal “Of course He can! Absolutely, positively, He can!”

He went on to say that “the full flood of Heaven’s blessing can come only when God’s conditions are met“.

These are the conditions Dr. Smith enumerated:

Recognition of God.  Give Him place! Listen to what He says and follow it!

Realization of our sinful state. We are sinners, weak and unable on our own, to be what we ought to be! (Know our place)*

Regeneration.  That’s salvation.  It’s neither religion nor reform!

Righteousness.  “But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people that ye should show forth the praises of Him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvelous light”–I Pet. 2:9 (This speaks to Christians in America and our responsibility to honor God.  If we do so as individuals, we do so as a nation)*

Reconciliation.  You cannot stay at odds with God and expect His blessing to be flooded upon you.

Revival.  If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.–II Chron. 7:14

*parenthesis mine

Now, to be honest with you, that last verse was one of the reasons I struggled with the cantata.  It was the verse the whole conference and “This is My America” rally were predicated upon.  But it is written to the nation of Israel in scripture.  God has a covenant with Israel.  There is no such covenant with America.

However, through out scripture, God tells us He is no respecter of persons, is the same today, yesterday and forever, and clearly establishes spiritual laws.  So even though America is not Israel, the principle still applies.  It applies to nations the same as to individual people.

When we repent, (that is to have a change of thinking, to stop believing what we want to about ourselves–that we are good people and fine the way we are–and instead believe what God says about us in His word: All have sinned. AND, when we stop believing whatever we want to believe about God, and instead believe what He tells us about Himself in His word), then God can bless us again.  If we know who God really is, instead of scrappling together a version of “god” of our own imagination, then we will fear him.  Not in a cowering, cringing way, just the way a child “fears” the ire and wrath of a loving but firm parent.  Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom–Prov. 9:10  The beginning!  No matter how “wise” we think we are as a person or as a nation, we have not even begun to have wisdom if there is no fear of the Lord in us.  Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools, And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man–Romans 1:22-23a

Dr. Smith concludes His article with these inspirational words:

We Must Not!

We must not surrender to the enemy!

We must not become monastic and hide ourselves from view!

We must not be intimidated and fearful!

We must not be discouraged and disillusioned!

We must not be sidetracked by the myriad of clamoring voices!

We must not give up, back off, or cave in!

We must not quit until the trumpet sounds!

But we Must!

Therefore, in pursuit of God’s anointing and His blessing upon us,

We must be at our posts of duty early and late.

We must herald the truth of God’s Word fully and fervently!

We must stand up in our hostile world to be counted for the Saviour.

We must build strong local churches all across the nation!

We must train our people to walk with God, serve Him daily and to win souls.

We must delight ourselves in obedience and give ourselves in sacrifice wholeheartedly.

We must keep ourselves in position for the blessing to be poured out to us day by day by day.

******(End of Dr. Smith’s article  content)

Let me ask you something.  Have you ever given a dog a bath, or washed the hair of a squirming toddler?  You can’t pour the water over them from 20 feet away.  You have to be over them.  They have to be under the stream of water you are pouring.

If we want God’s blessing, we have to be UNDER GOD.  Just like that dusty old Pledge of Alliance says.  Well, what do you know!

Weakness is Power-Under-Control

 

“Complete weakness and dependence will always be the occasion for the Spirit of God to manifest His Power“–Chambers

 

I always thought weakness was a thing to shun and overcome at any cost.  I did not realize for such a long time, that weakness can be brought to God as an offering, being all I had to offer, just as the widow’s mite.  Being ashamed of my impoverished state, I was wanting to “work on what I had, that I might somehow increase it, yet in the end I would be left clinging and hoping not to lose what little I had.  Instead, I needed to realize that in His hands, “little” becomes abundance and plenty.

Lord as I face the uncertain days ahead, I thank You that You have done this.  I must decrease, that Christ-in-me may increase.  Help me to go still in Your presence, dwelling in Christ through the trial, an understand that weakness is merely “power-under-control”, Your power, poised and ready, and sufficient to fulfill your will and plan in all things.

2 Corinthians 4:15-18 For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many, redound to the glory of God.  For which cause we faint not, but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.  For our light affliction which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory while we look not after the things which are seen, but at things which are not seen, for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us.  Romans 8:17

The Life of the Believer is Ever Striving

These tongue-twisting words of the Apostle Paul so fittingly portray the inward battle of the nature of the flesh, agaist the nature of Christ within the believer:

For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I. If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good. Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do. Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me. For I delight in the law of God after the inward man:  But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?  thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin. (Romans 7:15-25)

If you squeeze a tube of some sort of cream or paste, whatever is inside, is what is going to come out, be it toothpaste or cake icing.  People are the same way, under pressure.  Try as we might to live the upright life, we can never escape our sin nature in this lifetime.

I hate my sin nature!!!

I look forward to the day that I no longer have to contend with this “body of death” and sin.  For me, right now, this is no small struggle.  Illness and fatigue weigh heavily,  prednisone  fogs my mind and makes me feel irritable, patience is stretched thin, limitation and confinement are chafing, and all of it, in combination,  makes for a challenge in keeping frustration and temper in check.  The spiritual fruit of self-control ought to prevail,  yet that base nature still gets the upper hand much more often than I’d like.

Alas, the  life of the believer is ever striving!

Thank God that His mercies are new every morning.  Sometimes I feel I have used up my alotment before the first hour is even up.

My prayer these days is ” Lord, give me grace and more grace, please don’t allow me to hurt others in the midst of my own pain.”

I acknowledged my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid.  I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the Lord; and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin.

I said I will take heed to my ways, that I sin not with my tongue; I will keep my mouth with a bridle…Lord make me to know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it is that I may know how frail I am.  Behold, thou hast made my days as a handbreadth; and mine age is as nothing before thee…deliver me from all my transgressions…O spare me, that I may recover strength, before I go hence and be no more.

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

　

(Psalm 32:5, Psalm 39: 1, 4-5, 13, Philippians 3:13-14)