Why Does God Test Us?

Life keeps coming at us, ready or not.  Struggles don’t cease in this life, for those who are striving to live Godly in Christ Jesus.  On Sunday morning, Mother’s Day, I was looking forward to our whole family being in church together.  For various reasons, of late, that hasn’t been happening as often as is ideal.  Sunday before I got out of bed, (or even woke up, for that matter) hubby came in and informed me that my younger son was dizzy, nauseated and vomiting.  He was developing itchy spots Saturday morning when he got up, which we thought might have been a spider bite, or something.  By Saturday night he had a few areas of hives that had puffed up.  We gave him the standard Benadryl, and the itching subsided and he went to bed, but when he woke up he was worse off in the morning.  Fearing that the reaction was intensifying, I knew we needed to go ahead and get him to an intermediate care clinic.  We could not pinpoint anything in those prior hours or days that he had eaten that was different than the norm, hadn’t changed detergents, and the only thing I could remotely think of that might be the source of a reaction, was his antibiotic, even though he had been on it for a couple of weeks already.  Allergic reactions are strange that way.  It’s not that uncommon for a sudden allergy to develop to something you’ve been exposed to before with no trouble in the past.  Well, Garrett and I still made it to A.M. worship service, but both boys stayed home, as someone needed to remain with the patient.  We “did Mothers Day” later in the afternoon.

My neighbor and dear friend-of-the-family, Barbara, said to me Sunday night: “you must always feel like you’re waiting for the next shoe to drop”.  I laughed slightly and said, “I think there is a millipede up there dropping them” (or throwing them, like the Iraqi journalist at George W. Bush).  If you’ve been with this blog a while, you’ll “get” that.  I try real hard not to let it happen, but there are times I do get to wondering whether we in this family are being chastised, or whether it is harassment from that old snake Satan.  I was having one of those days yesterday, discouraged.  Feeling a little “picked on” and like I just couldn’t deal with one more thing. When I get into that frame of mind, I usually talk out loud to the Lord if there is no one home but me.  Sometimes I just have a good cry, then go back to sleep for a while, and “start over” when I wake up.  (Lest readers unfamiliar with my history get the wrong impression, I have chronic medical conditions, and hubby right now is going through chemo).   It’s one of those periods in life that you just grit your teeth and get through.

Then, at 4 a.m. this morning, Garrett woke me up again.

“Sandee, I think I’m in arrhythmia again”.

I was not “out from under” my 2nd dose of the med I take at night for my narcolepsy, so I couldn’t even go with him to the E.R.

This morning, he had his sixth electro-cardioversion. (We are thinking of investing in our own defibrillator, lol).  We are thankful that despite the “(Un)Affordable Care Act, and all the impending upheaval that will very soon be bringing (just found out this morning my sleep-equipment supplier has been dropped from coverage) that for the time being, at least we are getting the good care we need, and by God’s grace we are making minimum payments on the substantial portion insurance doesn’t pay (which seem to be satisfying the many docs, hospitals, surgeons, ad infinitum, who have administered some form of care to one or the other member of our family, the total expense of which,for the past 5 and a half months alone, has just exceeded $200,000).   Of course every time something like, oh, a compound fracture, tumor, or misbehaving heart, crops up, the responsibilities on our shoulders get to feeling that much heavier.  We know Psalm 55:22 and Matthew 11:29 by heart. There are just times in life that the onslaught feels a little relentless.

We understand that “in this world you will have trouble (tribulation). We realize that when good things happen it is not because we deserve it, and when bad things happen it is also not necessarily true that it is because “we deserve it”.  But we are to “count it all joy” because if we persevere in our faith, we will be given the “crown of life” someday.  I understand those things.  And still, it is hard.  Can you smile while sucking the juice of a lemon?  Sour, unpleasant, bitter circumstances that take away our smile, doesn’t necessarily equate with our being “robbed of our joy”.  I know the Webster’s definition of Joy is “happiness”, but I don’t think that is accurate.  That’s the world’s definition.  I think Joy is sometimes something that is way down deep, that may not be reflected by a smiling countenance at all times.  It’s a certain knowledge that the trial will pass, (eventually), and there is something good beyond it, somewhere.  And even if the trial is followed (much more quickly than we would like) with yet another trial, (and another, and another) the same still holds true.  The good may not come in this life.  There will always be “a next thing” that replaces the present trial in this life.  But one day, this life will be over.  We who are born again under the blood of Jesus, will be with our Lord and Savior Jesus, in the presence of God and loved ones, and the angels, and all the trials will be over.

I will be honest with you.  It is not a fun and joy-filled existence, being unable to maintain a job because of both recurrent, as well as chronic health conditions.  I don’t like it.  Every time I go to a Doctor’s appointment or a hospital, I am reminded of that loss of my nursing career (and income, and freedom to spend money).  But praise God, I got to be at home with my kids more than many Mom’s (of those who want to) are able to.  I hate watching my husband go through chemo, but I am extremely thankful for a Doctor Rhamen at an intermediate care clinic who had the presence of mind to draw a CBC and finding a Hemoglobin half of what it ought to have been, sent my husband to a hospital where a tumor was discovered, and removed.  Chemo reduces the chances of a recurrence, but doesn’t eradicate it altogether.  We are thankful for the improved odds.  I miss our friend Johnny and my Dad, who went Home within a few weeks of one another last Autumn.  I will miss Johnny’s widow, Barbara, when she is no longer my neighbor as she moves to live with her son. Johnny and Barbara’s house and their friendship, have been a haven of safety and understanding and love, “through it all”.  I won’t go into the “it all” (it’s there in my sidebar “Purple Morning Glories and Gold Lady Bugs” 12 chapters worth)..  That seems like an odd title, for a tale of struggle, but the emphasis is on the little things God does to help us get through each and every one of the trials that come, and the fact that He does get us through them.

I’ve stopped wondering what might happen next, and just referring to our seeming unending series of difficulties as “just the next thing”.  When they diagnosed the cancer, I told my pastor “Well, it’s just the next thing”.  In those waiting and “not-knowing” days and hours, there was plenty of time for it occur to me that like my Mom and Barbara, I might find myself soon a widow.  But God granted me the ability to stay in the moment, and just hang on in faith.  The only way these things can defeat us is if we lay down and give up.  You won’t hear the “rebuke your troubles away” line from me.  If you believe that, give me a call, I’d like to sell you some magic beans.  “We are more than conquerors in Christ”, doesn’t mean we will not have to pass through fires and murky, turbulent waters.  It just means that when we come out on the other side, we will be that much more “refined”, and “tempered”, “perfected” (made complete).  God is making us fit for the Kingdom.

Here is commentary from http://www.gotquestions.org including scriptures on the subject of testing in the Bible.

Question: “Why does God test us?”

Answer: When we ask why God tests us, or allows us to be tested, we are admitting that testing does indeed come from Him, as clearly taught in Scripture. Although we are forbidden to test Him (Deuteronomy 6:16; Matthew 4:7), when God tests His children, He does a valuable thing. David sought God’s testing, asking Him to examine his heart and mind and see that they were true to Him (Psalm 26:2; 139:23). In both the Old and New Testaments, the words translated “test” mean to prove by trial. Therefore, when God tests His children, the purpose is to prove that our faith is real. Not that God needs to prove it to Himself since He knows all things; rather, He is proving to us that our faith is real, that we are truly His children, and that no trial or test will overcome that faith.

In His Parable of the Sower, Jesus identifies the ones who fall away as those who receive the seed of God’s Word with joy, but as soon as a time of testing comes along, they fall away. James clearly explains that the testing of our faith develops perseverance, which leads to maturity in our walk with God. Perseverance in times of trial and testing will result in our spiritual maturity, our completeness (James 1:3-4). James goes on to say that testing is a blessing, because when the testing is over and we have “stood the test,” we will “receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him” (James 1:12). Testing and trying come from our heavenly Father who works all things together for good for those who love Him and who are called to be the children of God (Romans 8:28).

The testing or trials we undergo come in various ways. Becoming a Christian will often require us to move out of our comfort zones and into areas we have never encountered before. We’ve perhaps heard the saying ‘No pain – no gain’ when exercising our physical bodies. The same applies to exercising our faith in God. This is why James wrote ‘Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds’ (James 1:2). Testing our faith can be in small things like daily irritations; they may also be severe afflictions (Isaiah 48:10). Whatever the source of the testing from God, it is to our benefit to undergo the trials.

The account of Job is a perfect example of God allowing one of His saints to be tested by the devil. Job bore all his trials patiently and “did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing” (Job 1:22). However, the account of Job’s testing is proof that Satan’s ability to tempt us is limited by God’s sovereign control. No demon can test or afflict us with beyond what God has ordained for His perfect purpose and our benefit.

There are many examples that can be used to illustrate the positive results from our being tested. The Psalmist likens our testing to that of being refined like silver (Psalm 66:10). Elsewhere in Scripture we can read of our trials as that of gold being refined in order to remove all its impurities (1 Peter 1:7). By the testing of our faith, God causes us to grow and mature into strong disciples who truly live by faith in Him, not by what we see (2 Corinthians 5:7).

When testing and trials come our way, we should receive them with joy, because we know that it is God who allows them to strengthen our faith. When we are knocked about in the storms of life, like the tree that digs its roots ever deeper for a greater grip, we must dig our roots deeper into God’s Word so we can withstand whatever comes against us.

Most comforting of all, we know that God will never allow us to be tested beyond what we are able to handle and in all things will provide a way out of the test (1 Corinthians 10:13). This does not mean He will remove the trial from us. Why would He when He says trials are for our benefit? Rather, the “way out” is the way through. the trial, with Him ever faithful by our side, until we come out on the other side of it by His grace and power, stronger and more mature Christians.

Read more: http://www.gotquestions.org/why-does-God-test-us.html#ixzz2THdk1DgH

Winnowed and Sifted

On the wings of the morning He quietly comes
Lighting nearby, patiently waiting

Dis-ordered thoughts begin to wander
Soon upon waking, toward tasks ahead

Spirit is tethered, grounded by gravity.
For life itself is very grave

Every struggle becomes a link
In the chain, growing heavy

And still He waits.   I know He is near
And then He speaks: “Why do you carry these?”

So as not to leave them littered along the way

How long have you carried them?

My, I couldn’t say.  Some of them are so old I feel they’ve always been there.

What good are they?

Good? What do you mean?

Why did you not lay them down?

I thought I was meant to keep them.

But why would you think that?

Well, they bear my name

Are you certain?

Last I checked!

Checked lately?

Well, no, but I count them pretty often

What on Earth for?

A habit by now, I suppose. Keeps me humble.

Humble?

You know!  Grounded!

Oh, I get it, restrained, repressed?

Yeah, something like that, I guess.  I mean, it feels like that sometimes.

Why would you want that?

I don’t want to be.  I just have been for just about as far back  as I can remember.

As far back as you can remember, or as far back as you dare to remember?

What’s the difference?

The difference is, I created you for more than this. You knew that once upon a time!

Yes, I know.  “Someday” I’ll be free from this sin nature and…

No, even now! Cast thy burden upon Me, and I shall sustain you.

Yeah.  I read that.

And?

I don”t deserve for You to carry my load

That’s true!

<shrugs, eyes downcast>

Look at Me! Do you see anyone here who condemns you?

I condemn me!

Ah!
I see.
Do you know what the word “deem” means?

To reckon something as being so?

That is pretty close, but more succinctly, it means “to judge”.
Do you know what redeemed means?

I guess that would mean “to judge again”?

You were deemed guilty but once you repented and asked for salvation, you were re-deemed to be “not guilty”.  Do you know that being “not guilty” is not the equivalent of being innocent?  “Not guilty” merely means that no punishment will be accounted to you for the crime.  As I said to Job, “I will demand of thee, and declare thou unto me.  Wilt thou also dis-annul my judgment? wilt thou condemn me, that thou mayest be righteous?” I have declared you “not guilty”, yet you persist in self-condemnation. Who is right, Me or you?
You are, Lord

Where is your Bible?

Right here.

Open it to John 8:36 and read to Me what it says.

If the Son, therefore, shall make you free, then ye shall be free indeed. I know, Lord, but…

I don’t see a but in that verse.

Ok.  What about everything else?

What else?

Our life seems like an endless series of “unfortunate events”, trials, setbacks, obstacles, whatever you want to call them!  It feels so relentless.  What are we doing wrong?

These “other things” you speak of, the trials, who has told you that they come due to something you are doing wrong? These things are so, that My works might be displayed in you. (John 9:3)  In my winnowing I separate wheat from chaff, using the wind of adversity to blow off the chaff, which is just an impurity, and retaining in you that which is good. On the other hand, Satan desires to sift you! (Luke 22:31)  Sifting is agitating in a way that shakes out all that is good, so that the only thing that remains is the bad.  He doesn’t touch your life without my permission.  What he means for evil, I use for your good.

I have prayed for you.  Right now, chaff fills the air, the shaking and the tossing feel turbulent, but trust Me.  I will complete the good work which I have begun in you.

Jesus prays for His own

*

Sermon: Pastor John Reynolds, Temple Baptist Church (30 min)

This is where the “deep and wide” comes in

Words are sWords that cut both ways

Words: rubber maid containers that corral and contain the chaos and clutter of life.  Words have grown tricky and sticky in today’s relative world, and stripped of all nuance and cues, by layers of electronic barriers such as e-mail and text messaging.  Now even the most carefully selected and censored words can somehow mysteriously mutate between your lips and someone else’s ear, into something wholly other than what you intended, never mind the careless ones.

Words are my oar in the rapids, my life-jacket in the overwhelming flood.

So what was I to do when words failed me?

I grew silent.  Even inside my own head, I lost the will, the nerve, the ability to bring order to the churning and tumbling and shaking of my world.

I had no choice than to just let things just “be”.  No measuring, no sorting, no classifying, no reconciliation, no resolution.

Just sit in my dingy in a tumbling ocean of upheaval, hanging on for dear life, and perhaps occasionally vomiting over the side, as my one means of relief from the turbulence and inner discombobulation.  Funny thing though, about vomit.  Doesn’t inspire examination.  Just release the poison, and good riddance!

Artists express things wordlessly all the time.  Doesn’t matter the medium; music, dance, paint, pencil, wood, metal, garbage.

I used to paint.  My medium was acrylics, most often on stone. It was the one thing I ever did that transcended the drudgery of regimented thought, expressing things without all that processing, a state of abandon that rendered me unaware of even the passage of time.

In recent years, my eyesight has grown poor, my dexterity has been greatly hampered, my stamina has been poor and faltering, and as life is wont to do, my creativity has suffered significant dehydration.

But I still had the medium of words which I could count on.  It served me well in resolving conflict, ministering comfort, maintaining relationships, handling matters of business, as well as self-expression for the sake of itself.  It served me well, that is, until…

First a misunderstanding snowballed into a catastrophe, and a years-long friendship became a casualty.

Then a ministry went an unplanned, unanticipated way, and though God’s intent prevailed, the living of the experience was personally costly on a daily basis for 13 months with a fiery crash and burn at the end.

And then came our stroll along the edge of the “valley of the shadow of death”.

And for the first time in my life, words failed me.

Words are like the air my own personal spirit breathes.  So it was as if my spirit, that essence of me, had suffered a stroke or something.   Words were no longer at my beck and call.  They just wouldn’t fall in line.  It was possibly the most decimated I ever felt, and that is saying a lot, considering some of the things I’ve been through.

Words being no longer at my disposal, I went and dug out the words I’d saved on paper. My poems, my personal devotional notes, and what journal pages I’d held onto.  I took those words and like bread, cast them upon the water as an offering to God.  I didn’t have a design in mind for them, no plan or agenda.  But I know that only what is consecrated to God can have any real worth, I mean the eternal kind, not the passing-away kind.

You know, God sends the storms.  Not some storms.  All of them.  The storms and the waves do His bidding.  He doesn’t dispatch them from a distance.  He’s in them when the come.

Just because I can’t trace His hand, doesn’t mean I can’t trust His plan.

It all comes down to settling a single question.  Just one; Is God who He claims to be, or isn’t He?  You settle that in your mind, once and for all time, and buddy you will have simplified your life in one stroke.  Very simple, but far from easy.

If He is who He says He is, then let God be true and let every man, every circumstance, every thought, every pain, every wound bow down to Him and be revealed as the lie that they are.  For faithful are the wounds of a friend.

You say “Cruel is the God who would snatch the newborn child from it’s mother’s arms”

That is a LIE!

“I’m so depressed I just want to die!”

That is a LIE!

Your earthly father abandoned you, your marriage fell apart, there is no peace to be had.

That, also, is a lie.

When a child is young and tends to whine, we sometimes have to remind that child to “use your words, please, so Mommy or Daddy can know what you need and can help you get it so you will feel better”.

Putting things into words requires effort.  It’s not always easy.  For me, the nearer my heart the subject matter, the harder it is to articulate.  But otherwise, words have generally come pretty easily.

Words can be mundane, they can be tedious, they can be inspiring, beautiful, hurtful, and indeed quite harmful. In short, words are power.

Power entails responsibility.  To whom much is given, much is required.

I have been “on the bench” for a while.  Not only in terms of administering my words, but a time-out in general.  I’ve taken some blows, had some injuries that needed to be babied for a time.  It is not good for the long-haul, for us to stay in the game injured.  Though it is often necessary, (unlike soccer and baseball, the game of life isn’t condusive to prolonged side-lining), but eventually it will be to your own detriment to “suck it up and continue playing” on a bum knee, wounded shoulder, or broken heart.

As my dear friend Snerdley pointed out a couple of days ago, long-term pain and strain literally alters the structure of the brain.

I “played inured” for  lot of years.  And as a result, I’ve spent a lot of years rehabilitating.  Extensive recouperation often must happen piecemeal, you push a while, then you rest a while, push some more, rest some more.

Why bother?  Because life lived less than fully just isn’t worth as much.

What do you do when you are a “skinless” person, a whole-heart kind of   person whose heart is battered?  Live life without heart?  Offer up what is left, at the risk of having it fully consumed?  I think living a heartless life is what most people choose.  I might have chosen it too if I had never experienced “whole-heart-living” by virtue of nothing other than the fact it is the way God originally designed me.  When my heart and soul and spirit took a pretty big hit in my 20′s, I tried living the safer way.  I tucked my heart way inside and constructed an external shield so foreign to me that family and friends were baffled by it.

But it was no use.  Once you have lived with your heart wide-open, though you know the inherent pain, you find that living any other way is not really an option, and there is no such thing as a middle ground of compromise.  Living any other way has never been an option, no matter how much I might have wished it could be.

I am not sure how that sounds to the reader.  Arrogant? Self-promoting and prideful in some back-handed way?  An attempt to seem more virtuous than I am?  Or just sincere.

The truth is, I wouldn’t mind having a tougher heart.  I would dearly love a skin.  A nice, thick one.

I once heard the story of a 4th grader in a Christian school, when defining “skin” on his science test, wrote “It’s that thing God gave you so people when they have to look at you, they won’t throw up”.  I guess he had seen the muscle diagrams, I don’t know, but kids have a way of shedding insight.

Skin is great as a cover-up for hiding the unpalatable “innards”, but it’s real purpose is for protecting the delicate and vulnerable things that lie underneath.  It is the first line of defense against germs and viruses and other invaders.  It is probably one of our must indispensable, under-appreciated organs.

My heart is not pure, but I do recognize that God has a standard of purity that surpasses our concept of pure and of good, by a dozen country miles, and I don’t want our version of clean and good.  I want His.

A lot of people, if they were to peer into my life, would likely say “that’s not what I call living”.  Living life to the fullest to most folks is “going full tilt” from sun-up to sun-down, taking risks, tasting the entire smorgasbord that life has to offer.  And sure, there is a lot to be said for living life fearlessly.  I joke about the unnecessary stress some people seem to go looking for, the stunt-riders and base-jumpers and those guys in squirrel suits who jump off of cliffs and ride the thermal currents like Eagles with nothing else between them and certain death, except a stiff breeze, their knowledge of aerodynamics, and an irrepressible passion for adventure.

When I was strong and healthy,, my bucket list included buying a motorcycle, parachuting, and traveling to see the world.

Da bucket got a hole in it!

What happens to dreams like that?  There are a whole lot of people who would have you believe that letting anything stand in the way of achieving your dreams is blasphemous.  That we owe it to ourselves, the world, the universe, and whatever God we believe in, to “discover and meet our full potential”.

Hogwash!

I don’t care what anybody says, if life doesn’t hurt, you ain’t doing it right.  If you haven’t failed you haven’t been trying, but if you haven’t realized there are walls and ceilings, and boundaries and limits, well, just keep on.  You’ll find out eventually and then where will that leave you?  Crushed? Broken? Disillusioned? Angry?

The world applauds those who are brave and daring with their body, their money their mind, and even their eternal soul, while simultaneously disdaining the offering up of one’s heart as a fools errand.

But I say, the bravest thing anyone can do is give of your heart.  In my book, real living means living real.  It means accepting the boundaries, acknowledging your insufficiency, admitting you need others, that you are not invincible, not infallible.  But you don’t quit.  You keep trying, aiming for that higher calling, even when you know it is not attainable in this life.  Even when you know you’ll be hurt again, will fall again.

Success in life doesn’t come in looking around, finding the tallest mountain, and conquering it.  It comes in making the best of what life hands you, learning to be content whether you abase or abound.  Learning how to find your way back to abiding peace even when some “earthquake” rattles your world and flings you far away from any semblance of peace.  Knowing where, or more accurately, in Whom, that peace remains, unshaken, always available.

I spoke of the friendship that became a casualty of misunderstanding.  The following poem was an attempt, even as words themselves seemed to have betrayed me, to still use them to express my bewilderment and grief, that words themselves can be so damaging, turning lethal even when the intent is anything but, because a “wounded” receiver receiving a message from a wounded “sender” leaves much room for misinterpretation, and particularly in a world where real communication grows increasingly rare.  It is an expression of broken-ness in a broken world from a broken heart, over a broken friendship.

On Grapes and Apples

Posted on March 3, 2012 by shekinah419

The grape sits under the glare of the sun. Exposed. With prolonged heat it ripens to sweetness.  But the sweetness comes forth only in the crushing.  If the grape remains hard it will elude that reducing process and it’s juice remain bitter.  Redemption comes only in the yielding.

The Word is alive and sharper than a two-edged sword.  Created in His image, He gave us all the gift of the word, written and spoken.  Sharp.  Able to penetrate deep unto healing or destruction.  The more finely-honed that edge, the more intricate places it can reach.  Words can sever things delicate and tenuous.

Under the guardianship of human nature, the administration of bestowed gifts results in Adam, Eve, an apple and death.  Laid on the alter and death’s stinger removed, the gift can be anointed and used for its’ proper purpose.

Words are a precious gift.

From childhood we anticipate the long-awaited day we will make our own choices, only to one day discover that we have been making them all along.

© S.T.Lloyd 2010

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Matthew 7: ¹⁶Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?¹⁷Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.¹⁸A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.¹⁹Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down,and cast into the fire. ²⁰Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

Amos 9:¹³Behold, the days come, saith the LORD, that the plowman shall overtake the reaper, and the treader of grapes him that soweth seed; and the mountains shall drop sweet wine, and all the hills shall melt.

Proverbs 25:¹¹A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.

Proverbs 7:²Keep my commandments, and live; and my law as the apple of thine eye

Remember Grace

As Christians we are called to live an examined life.  We are to be set apart, in the world and not of it.  In our conversation, in our character, in our convictions, in our conduct, we should be a reflection of God.  The Christian life is designed to purify us, through trials and tribulations, struggles and losses.

And then there is GRACE.  Yes, we strive.  Yes we have a standard.  But when we compare ourselves to that standard, we will always fall woefully short.  Because the standard is Jesus and we are human, still subject to and limited by the flesh.  When we falter, when we are tired, when we have been scooped out and hollowed by the demands of Earthly life, God understands.  He is not so much of a taskmaster that He doesn’t understand the need to pull aside once in a while and just be still.

We are driven too hard by compulsory pressures.  We have to take stock once in a while and ask ourselves what the benefit is of all the ways we spend our time.  Even in terms of our jobs, or the kid’s activities, and yes, even church.  Sure, people are counting on us because we said we would go/do/be this, that or the other.  But how’s your marriage?  Is your spouse getting the time with you they deserve?  Are your kids?  How about the Lord? I mean, just sitting still, reading His Word and chatting with Him about what you have going on and saying thank you as you enumerate your blessings?

We ask more of ourselves than God does sometimes, I do believe.  We forget that God’s approval and love for us is not performance-based.  Our own confidence and self-approval may fluctuate wildly from one moment to the next, but God never changes.

Now, I know we live in a world where self-esteem has become the ultimate achievement.

I am not really talking to those of you who are “fine the way you are”, but rather to those who really live each moment conscientiously, striving to be a good steward of all your resources, whether internal or external.  People who put others first.  Moms who aspire to be a Proverbs 31 woman, teens who diligently aspire to rise above the cesspool of secular school and be a witness.  Businessmen who “finish last” for being honest, but are honest anyway.  Dads who work 65 hours a week, pay child support and still have to deal with a vindictive ex-wife who talks them down in front of their kids.  Those people who are doing the best they can, but never get ahead.  God sees.  He is taking note.  It is not wasted.  He is pleased with you.  And in a world where there are no standards anymore other than to be as rich and as hard and as invincible as possible, you still are willing to submit to God’s measure of value, though it is utter foolishness to the world.

My friend, we are almost there.  You can do it.  Keep caring even when it feels like you are the last.  Keep being honest, even if it costs you everything.  Keep obeying the Lord, even if they mock you.  Stand firm, and while others lift their heads in defiance, bow yours in humility and ask God for Grace for one more day.  Do not give sway to fear or to flesh.  Hang on until you can’t and then trust the Lord’s hand to catch you.

It’s okay. We aren’t all we hoped to be, but God has been working in ways we didn’t even know, and some day soon, we will understand it all.  God will unroll the tapestry and show us the upper side.

“Walk On” by Sandra T. Lloyd©

Underneath the overshadowing of my greatest fears

You walk with me while I struggle to see through the blur of my tears

You hold my hand and help me to walk on

When I knew I had nothing more to give, You made me put one foot in front of the other, promising you would take care of the rest, if I’d only do that.

“Just hold my hand, my child.  Never let go”, You said.  “That’s all I ask of you.  I will see to the rest”.

Somewhere out there tonight, while I am resting peacefully, there is a light on in a house in these wee hours.  A man is suffering, and holding Your hand in his own private darkness, while his wife lovingly does what she promised to do, on their wedding day.

And they walk on.

And somewhere tonight, in a poor neighborhood a woman falls into bed, exhausted, heartbroken as her husband slips away, leaving her in her grief, to hold it all together while no one seems to share her burdens.

You ask her to walk on.

“But we can’t, Lord”, we cry.

“Why should we?”, we ask.

“Because I have a plan”, You answer.

“But I just don’t see how all things work together for good!”

“My child, nothing touches you without my permission.  I will not call upon you to endure anything that I will not also provide a way for you to bear it.  Do not concern yourself with the details.  Some things you do not need to know.  Do you trust Me?”

“Yes, Lord, but it is so hard”.

“I know””, the Savior said, as a great drop of blood fell from His brow and mingled with the tears He cried for me………………..

“But walk on”

Copyright STLloyd 10.27.95

Hebrews 4:16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Image Source

There remaineth therefore a rest, for the people of God.  Hebrews 4:9

It’s been a hard “week”, but the Sabbath is coming!

He restoreth my soul!

 

Be encouraged

Thanks Wy and Liz

God’s Sovereignty, Responsibilities and proper perspective of the Believer in light of the times in which we are living

A few resources which may help Christians in becoming prepared as to how to respond to the changes that the U.S. Government may very well have in store for citizens in the months (and years?) ahead.

The Sovereignty of God and Political Responsibilities of the Believer

Perspective in the Midst of Departure from God

What does the Bible Say About Government

and a slightly different take: FREEDOM: Government can’t veto GOD-given rights

I pray that God give us wisdom to choose wisely, the positions we ultimately take up when forced to decide.  Definitely a matter of prayer.

We’re DOOMED

We’re DOOMED (click to read article)

Reblogged from Pakalert Press

Can God Bless America Again?

Last year for Independence Day our church choir sang a patriotic cantata titled “This Is My America” (By: Steve and Jennifer Hall, Bibletruthmusic.com).  Several other churches across the nation sang the same cantata on that day.  Several choirs from various neighboring states also gathered together to do a combined performance, along with a weekend of old-fashioned tent-revival type preaching.  The focus was on national repentance before God, and praying for our troubled and ailing nation.

I am not ashamed to say I love America and know how honored and blessed I am to have been born here.  I have made it a point to be an informed citizen and voter, one who sends e-mails and makes calls to state and US congressional leaders, and speaks out about the wrongs.  But while learning this cantata and practicing it for several weeks, I was troubled in my spirit about it.  One reason for that is because I have loved the USA so much, my passion and fervor for her was every bit as encompassing as my passion for the Lord.  I had previously wrestled under the conviction of the Holy Spirit, that we Americans tend to have our Christianity so deeply intertwined with our Patriotism that we’ve nearly merged the two and begun to forget where one ends and the other begins.  I had to step back and go before the Lord in prayer to help me extricate one from the other and put them in their proper order of priority and place.  There is a danger of our righteous indignation over what’s happening to this nation, becoming an idol.  There is something very wrong as Christians, if we have zeal for saving a nation, but not for saving the lost.  Jesus didn’t die to save America.

All our blessings have been privileges.  I was having trouble with this demanding of our “rights”.  The Constitution and Bill of Rights as our forefathers wrote them, have proven to be the best framework upon which any nation has ever been founded, ever.  It worked.  It was a smashing success as long as we followed it.  The basis was that we had been endowed by our Creator with certain inalienable rights.  All men.  Everywhere.  But these were not mans’ ideas.  The principles this nation was built upon were from God Himself.

That leads me to the other reason I was troubled in doing this Cantata.  Because the underlying purpose in this undertaking, by the pastors who initiated it (it was several years in the planning), was to seek God’s blessing for America again.  I have mourned, prayed, and fasted personally in repentance for America, and still I am so grieved at our sinfulness, that I was having a really hard time “looking God in the eye” with a straight face and having the unmitigated gall to ask Him to bless us, after all the blessings we have already so heedlessly squandered.

Do I believe America is experiencing judgment right now?  Not necessarily.  But I do know from my own sinful past, that when we choose to go our way and follow our sinful inclinations, God will let us do so, but we forfeit His protecting hand over us for as long as we persist in that pursuit.

It’s a fine mess we find ourselves in.

Can we in good conscience, ask for His blessing at this point?  I was, a year ago, inclined suppose that depends on the tenderness of your individual conscience.  But I have come to realize that is not, at all, the determining factor.  I think my study of the Old Testament over these past few months has something to do with that.  I “watched” anew, as Israel went astray over and over, and read of God’s grace and mercy, so undeserved and unmerited.  When Jesus said forgive seventy times seven, God had already set that example for us.  Is repentance a key ingredient?  Yes.  Because of another principle established in the Bible, and that is, “Don’t throw your pearls before swine”.  The value of precious jewels is lost on a pig!

And I fear that the value of what we had and are throwing away with both hands, is lost on a lot of Americans.

The unfathomable wonderful news is this:  God’s mercy and compassion and longsuffering are greater than our capacity to take them for granted.

I picked up this months “Sword of the Lord” newspaper at church last night and read the article which was the inspiration for this post.  Dr. Shelton Smith had somewhat to say on the question, in his article entitled “Can God Bless Our Country Once Again?”  His simple, believing answer was an incredulous and unequivocal “Of course He can! Absolutely, positively, He can!”

He went on to say that “the full flood of Heaven’s blessing can come only when God’s conditions are met“.

These are the conditions Dr. Smith enumerated:

Recognition of God.  Give Him place! Listen to what He says and follow it!

Realization of our sinful state. We are sinners, weak and unable on our own, to be what we ought to be! (Know our place)*

Regeneration.  That’s salvation.  It’s neither religion nor reform!

Righteousness.  “But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people that ye should show forth the praises of Him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvelous light”–I Pet. 2:9 (This speaks to Christians in America and our responsibility to honor God.  If we do so as individuals, we do so as a nation)*

Reconciliation.  You cannot stay at odds with God and expect His blessing to be flooded upon you.

Revival.  If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.–II Chron. 7:14

*parenthesis mine

Now, to be honest with you, that last verse was one of the reasons I struggled with the cantata.  It was the verse the whole conference and “This is My America” rally were predicated upon.  But it is written to the nation of Israel in scripture.  God has a covenant with Israel.  There is no such covenant with America.

However, through out scripture, God tells us He is no respecter of persons, is the same today, yesterday and forever, and clearly establishes spiritual laws.  So even though America is not Israel, the principle still applies.  It applies to nations the same as to individual people.

When we repent, (that is to have a change of thinking, to stop believing what we want to about ourselves–that we are good people and fine the way we are–and instead believe what God says about us in His word: All have sinned. AND, when we stop believing whatever we want to believe about God, and instead believe what He tells us about Himself in His word), then God can bless us again.  If we know who God really is, instead of scrappling together a version of “god” of our own imagination, then we will fear him.  Not in a cowering, cringing way, just the way a child “fears” the ire and wrath of a loving but firm parent.  Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom–Prov. 9:10  The beginning!  No matter how “wise” we think we are as a person or as a nation, we have not even begun to have wisdom if there is no fear of the Lord in us.  Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools, And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man–Romans 1:22-23a

Dr. Smith concludes His article with these inspirational words:

We Must Not!

We must not surrender to the enemy!

We must not become monastic and hide ourselves from view!

We must not be intimidated and fearful!

We must not be discouraged and disillusioned!

We must not be sidetracked by the myriad of clamoring voices!

We must not give up, back off, or cave in!

We must not quit until the trumpet sounds!

But we Must!

Therefore, in pursuit of God’s anointing and His blessing upon us,

We must be at our posts of duty early and late.

We must herald the truth of God’s Word fully and fervently!

We must stand up in our hostile world to be counted for the Saviour.

We must build strong local churches all across the nation!

We must train our people to walk with God, serve Him daily and to win souls.

We must delight ourselves in obedience and give ourselves in sacrifice wholeheartedly.

We must keep ourselves in position for the blessing to be poured out to us day by day by day.

******(End of Dr. Smith’s article  content)

Let me ask you something.  Have you ever given a dog a bath, or washed the hair of a squirming toddler?  You can’t pour the water over them from 20 feet away.  You have to be over them.  They have to be under the stream of water you are pouring.

If we want God’s blessing, we have to be UNDER GOD.  Just like that dusty old Pledge of Alliance says.  Well, what do you know!

Cast Down, But Not Destroyed

Many years ago when my illness first started out, the fatigue was the most profound problem, but led to severe mood issues for a lot of years.  One cannot have profound ill-health of the body without it eventually taking a toll on the mind and emotions.  Today I am running on empty a bit, so I decided to do a “semi reblog” of something I previously posted.

My blog is set up differently than most, in tht I have used “permenant pages” as tabs at the top, to share many of my poetry and other writings that I’ve composed over the years.  I’ve  pulled out one of those pages and posted it below.  It is a prayer.  It gives an idea of how it felt to live with that severe, fatigue-induced depression and impaired mental function.  When the sleep disorders were finally diagnosed and treated properly, all of the depression, anxiety, and “mindfog” got much better and I got back to mostly having the more  normal “everyday” ebb and flow of moods rather than severe and erratic swings.  My mind was able to re-order itself so retrieving information became efficient once again.

Now that the physical stuff;  the pain, the always feeling like I have the flu, have been relentless for 4 months, for the most part I’ve, by God’s grace and purposeful effort, managed to maintain a pretty upbeat perspective most of the time, but it’s not been easy and  everyone has their breaking point. A person can only take so many days on end without relief.  Yesterday was my worst day, to date, and I was crushed under the weight of it all.

Still, God knows our limits and has promised never to give us more than we can bear.  So I will look for today to be a better day, and hope for the best.

Strength for the Weary (A Prayer)

It hurts to become irrelevant, just because you no longer conform to an image, to become invisible and no longer qualify as a “normal human being”, and be judged lazy, incompetent, and undisciplined. It is painful to labor under the burden of a defective mind, which sometimes struggles to perform even the mundane. Others have no perception of the hourly exertion of will and strength required for my race, nor what lies underneath the cloak, invisible to the world. Sometimes I forget myself. Like the fading image of a dead loved ones face, I forget who I am. I chafe under the raw cruelty of continuing to breathe some days, wondering how it is that simply existing can be so difficult. Lord help me keep walking. I know someday this will all pass away, and it won’t matter anymore. I often long for you to hasten that deliverance, have even asked. But I understand that your purpose for me here isn’t finished. So please help me to see beyond this suffering and give me strength beyond my weariness, for the sake of my boys. They deserve a whole mom. But they have me. Lord, prohibit me from becoming a miser. Give me courage to give what I have. There is much that I lack, and I come boldly asking. But mostly, please fill me with the things my family needs. If you will provide, Lord, it may somehow be all right. It is all that I can really ask, that you please grant me rest for my mind, endurance for this broken vessel, and perseverance for this spirit that I may be steadfast for just one more day. Copyright STLloyd 5-26-07

 

For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body. For we which live are always delivered unto death for Jesus’ sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh. 2 Corinthians 4:611

 

“Better” is Relative

“Good morning ! Are you doing better?”  “Hello, how are you today?”  “Hey, feeling better?”

When someone living with chronic debilitating conditions is asked one of these questions, any honest response that can be given will likely encompass a whole spectrum of relativity which the average “well” individual may have little awareness of.

The anticipated response is usually some variation of “so-so”, “fine”, “good” or sometimes even “great!”  It is an “autopilot” exchange that leaves me somewhat perplexed as to how to respond, really.  Does the person even actually want to know or is it just “small talk”?  But even if it is sincere, there is the dilemma that those words “good, fine, great” probably don’t mean the same thing to me as they do to others.  They would be quantified very differently, and I know this, but often feel pretty sure the “asker” does not.

Does it matter?  To me it does.  Words have meaning and if the understanding of that meaning is not mutual, then what gets conveyed will be something other than what was actually meant.

For me, personally, my “good” 6 months ago meant I could function at about 50% of the capacity of an average person of my age without the conditions I have.  In January through February that dropped to about 40% and in March to about 10%.  (This is measuring strictly by my ability to function, not how I felt).  Prednisone bought back for me the ability to stand for 7 minutes or so, more if I am moving around a bit, and to tolerate being in a sitting position for a while if propped up, and the ability to get some things done, if I do them in bits, with breaks, etc.   So “doing” is back up to maybe 30% (of what, in my estimation, it ought to be for a person my age), which is still a good 20 % less than the functional ability I had 6 months ago, and still a very far cry from anyone’s estimation “normal” for a person my age.

None of this takes into account pain level, or the new-since-January development of actually “feeling sick” all the time.  For “regular folk” (I vaguely recall) feeling sick is fleeting and finite, lasting a few days or a week.  You feel it in every muscle, in lack of appetite, in lethargy.   You feel it for a few days, rest or push through it, either way, you eventually come out the other side.   In my case “the other side” could be anywhere from weeks to months to years, and there is always the looming possibility that there will be no “other side”.  This continually shifting paradigm makes it really hard to quantify how I am “doing”, as the scale even for me, is ever-shifting.   So, yeah, I am “doing” better than I was before prednisone (For which I am grateful!) But as you can see, “better” is relative.

Now if you ask me if I am “feeling” better, that’s a different question with an entirely  different (and even more complicated) answer.   How a person feels encompasses everything from pain level, to degree of fatigue, to my outlook in a given moment, to how my faith is holding up against the challenges.

“Pretty good” might mean the pain is tolerable, I had enough energy to clean my bathroom today, and I’m relatively at peace with my reality at the moment.   For me “pretty good” is about as close to “great” as it gets but I hope you will kindly pardon me if I don’t actually use that word and call it “great” because that may lead folks to wonder why I’m not out turning cartwheels. 

There is sometimes a big difference  between how I”m doing and “how I’m feeling by the sheer virtue of the number of variables at play.   A better question might be “when was the last time you felt good?”  The answer to that is easy:  June of 2010.   Surprised?  Here is a different question, even more specific and telling:  “When was the last time you felt physically well/healthy?” Again, easy to answer:  May of 1995!  These are questions even the doctors don’t think to ask, though I think it would help an awful lot if they did, (but I digress).

The most daunting question for me is the broad and open-ended “How are you?”  That one is nearly impossible for me to answer in 25 words or less and in the positive way the “asker” is generally hoping for, that is, if I’m going to be honest about it at least.

I think a more honest way to handle the whole exchange would be, instead of asking “how are you?”, for folks to simply say “hello, I hope you are well”.  Because I think that is what they mean anyway.  This approach requires no status report.   The whole “How are you?/(doing)/(feeling)” exchange is so automated anyway, that anything outside of the expected “fine, good or great” results in an awkward moment.  (Cricket, cricket).

I write about this today not because of any particular interest in having others know with specificity and minute detail “just exactly how I am”, (frankly trying to keep folks abreast of that is exhausting in itself), but rather I write about it because the longer that I have dealt with chronic illness, the more challenging it is becoming to accomplish genuine communication and I speculate that is a challenge common to others with chronic conditions, because firstly, chronic conditions are isolating. They tend to sideline you out of the mainstream of life.  Sadly in this busy world, “out of sight, out of mind” holds true even in friendships.  Secondly, socialization can be  taxing on the limited inner resources of someone who isn’t well.  We still want all the things we ever wanted.  We would love to still be a part of our previous wider world, but it is no longer an option.  The truth is, managing our energy, time, emotions, perspective and attitude is monumental.  But it is also imperative.  So is overall stress management.  Therefore maintaining contact with relatives and friends beyond our household is often an expenditure of energy that exceeds the emotional budget.  Over time, the longer we have been out of touch, the more daunting the prospect of “catching up” may seem.

So what is the solution to these dilemmas?

Meet us half way?

For the concerned friend, please know that if you ask how we are, and we are vague, it’s because the answer is not simple, and formulating it is probably not easy either.  So only ask if you really mean it and want to know, because there is nothing worse than struggling to put it into words unnecessarily.  If you haven’t heard from us, don’t assume anything.   Don’t assume we are fine, but you also should not assume we are depressed and despondent.  Most importantly you also should not  assume we don’t want to hear from you.  However, do be considerate of a probable limited tolerance for lengthy exchanges of any sort.  Express genuine support and concern, listen if we are talkative,  be cautious about probing, and if you want to help, don’t say “let me know if there is anything I can do” because that probably wont happen.  If you genuinely want to help, the best thing to do is something practical.  I also think a loving thing would be to take a few minutes to educate yourself about your friend or loved one’s condition.   We don’t want sympathy, but empathy goes a very long way in making it more bearable.

For those who live with chronic illness, give yourself permission to withdraw when you need to and throw off the guilt.  You can neither educate, nor change, nor please everyone.  “All you can do” is all you can do, and you don’t need me to tell you that you simply cannot do all you once could.  Always be as gracious as you can, but let go of the notion that everyone is going to understand, though they may understand better than you think, only they struggle in knowing how to express it, or how to help.  If you snap, apologize.  You are still responsible.  Your illness is not an excuse for bad behavior.  But know sometimes you may have to address it later, when you are rested.  Remember, you can’t always fix things, so conduct yourself with grace and restraint to the very best of your ability when conflict or misunderstanding do arise.  Don’t let relationships be another loss if you can help it.